Mortiplication Rick
by TFSyndicate
Summary: Your dad is an idiot, Morty.


"Alright, Morty. We, uh, we got the thing that we came here for, and now we're heading home. Thanks for hanging in there for me, Morty."

"Gee, Rick, that adventure was a little too easy, don't you think? I…I…mean you could've done this without me and still would've made it back alive."

"Well, Morty, even the simplest missions could use an extra pair of hands!"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right."

Morty relaxed, for the first time that day, and laid back in his seat. He deserved it. The thing he and Rick were looking for sat safely behind them on the cushions that made up the backseat of Rick's space car. Passing the Pluto formerly known as Planet, they entered the solar system. It was not long now until the duo were home again. Morty had, in one pocket, a stamp card with nine Morty faces stamped on it: one more and he could choose their next Rick and Morty Adventure™.

"Whadaya say, Morty?" said Rick, breaking the ice after a few hours of silence, "You want your stamp yet?"

"Not until all four wheels are on the ground and in the garage, Rick," said Morty. So… no.

Morty pulled out his smartphone from another pocket. Obviously, he couldn't get WiFi in space, so he scanned his TV app for some videos he downloaded for long, uneventful trips like this one. With earbuds plugged in, he tapped a video thumbnail and it started to play.

* * *

Rick looked away from the starfield in front of him to face Morty, bopping his head to the music playing in the video. All Rick could hear was the tinkling of sound that leaked out of Morty's earbuds. One earbud fell out, but Morty didn't mind: it was in mono. Rick picked up the stray earbud and held it up to his ear. Realizing what Morty was watching/listening to, he frowned, and dropped the earbud.

"Schoolhouse Rock? _Seriously_, Morty?" said Rick.

"Aw geez, Rick," said Morty, "What's wrong with Schoolhouse Rock?"

"Why can't you listen to something more…I dunno…recent? Like Logic?"

"They're not as good as the classics, Rick."

"Who got you that c*** anyway? Your dad?"

"No, Dad got me an iTunes gift card!"

"…which _you_ used to buy that stupid video. Therefore, your dad got that for you."

"Aw geez, what does Dad have to do with your dislike for Schoolhouse Rock?"

"Lemme see," said Rick, "Jerry was a kid in the 70's. Kids watched cartoons on Saturday Mornings in the 70's. Schoolhouse Rock was a cartoon that aired on Saturday Mornings in the 70's. _Therefore_, Jerry watched Schoolhouse Rock; and look at where he is now."

"Oh, come on Rick. Just because Jerry liked Schoolhouse Rock as a kid doesn't mean _I _shouldn't! Y…y…you can't go around comparing my dad to Hitler! I…I…mean it's not like I should _not _eat sugar just because Dad _does_…right?"

Rick didn't know what to say at first. It took him a while to understand the logic that Morty was trying to convey. In the end, he still didn't know what to say. But he knew he had to say _something_.

"…Your dad is an idiot, Morty."

"Well at least I _accept_ the fact the Pluto is not a planet anymore."

Rick took that remark for a sign of redemption, and patted Morty on the back.

"Atta boy, Morty."

* * *

Rick took the opportunity to, for once, fasten his seat belt, and put a firm grip on the steering wheel.

"Hold on, Morty," said Rick, "Asteroid belt!"

Morty grabbed hold for dear life to his seat. Their precious cargo behind them was so heavy, it was holding itself down. But it couldn't scream like Rick and Morty were doing.

"Here it comes! WOOOAAAAHHHHHH!" Rick screamed.

"AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!" Morty shouted.

The ship violently swayed to and fro, up and down, and occasionally in the opposite direction, as it dodged the oncoming asteroids. Eventually they reached the other side of the belt, where the only harm the belt could do was let a few tiny pieces rap 'n' tap on the windshield. Rick slowed down. Morty sighed in relief.

"That was a close one, Morty," said Rick, wiping the sweat off his forehead, "Should be smooth sailing from here on in!"

But then **_SPLAT!_** Something else hit the windshield…hard (but not hard enough to actually break it).

"Wha?" Morty gasped in shock, "Rick, we hit something!"

"I'm sitting riURRPght next to you, Morty," grumbled Rick, "I can see the same things as you. Let me take care of this…"

Rick reached for the windshield wiper switch, but Morty stopped him.

"NO!" Morty looked down from the windshield to the (paused) video on his smartphone, then back up.

"I…recognize that tin can," he said in realization, "W…w…we got to take it in!"

"Forget it, Morty," Rick insisted, "Nobody's going to notice one less…thing…in this universe."

"But _I_ will!"

"You're being manipulated, Morty, by the genes that make Jerry a man child!"

Morty showed Rick his smartphone screen.

"Do you _not_ see the resemblance? We _have_ to help it!"

"Just because it looks like something from your dad's 'precious' Schoolhouse Rock, doesn't mean we're inclined to save it."

"Rick," said Morty, getting serious, "Rescue it, or I'm not letting you stamp my card."

Rick's eyes opened wide.

"You mean…?"

"This adventure is _not_ over," said Morty, "It's just beginning."


End file.
